Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

Conflicts between people are sometimes inevitable as they arise due to our differing personalities. 

It is important that we adopt a positive attitude to handle these challenges well or "things could get ugly" (the relationship could turn for the worse) and it will be awkward to engage future conversations with that person. 

To prevent disagreements from escalating into heated arguments, we need to analyse our thoughts and actions before engaging with the other party such as to "put yourself in the shoes of others".

Interpersonal communication is a tool that I value to possess but it is not easy to attain mastery. 

I find myself faltering in attaining correct skills for interpersonal communication. 

To illustrate this point, I will share this particular incident that made me discover the "ugly" side of myself... 

It was a meet-up for a simple dinner between me and two of my secondary school friends, Desmond and Shawn. During dinner, Shawn asked if I had a iPad because he needed to check his email for a response. I had an iPad with me which my mother had lent to me for school use. I allowed him to use it provided he used the tablet with care. The main issue starts here.. 

After using it to check his personal emails, he started browsing the web for what I deemed to be inappropriate (to be precise he 'youtube'-ed "animal moaning sounds" ). Not wanting to spoil the atmosphere, I remained silent yet displaying a tinge of disapproval. Desmond was beside him and he seem amused by Shawn's actions and joined in laughing hearteningly. The upcoming event had infuriated me further. He went on opening up a drawing application and started doodling a sketch of a male genitalia. Feeling disgusted, I told him "Why are you drawing this? This is my mother's iPad, can you restrain yourself?". Shawn brushed me of with a nonchalant reply "I didn't draw anything wrong! It's just a cactus castle! It's you who are thinking inappropriately!". Shawn and Desmond continued laughing as they continue drawing the details. I gave a black "thundery cloud" expression and kept glum as I tolerated. After dinner, we headed to my home as they wanted to play with my pet cats. However, whilst in my home, they continued refining the details of their sketch and even started colouring it! I eventually snapped when I heard a 'bang', Shawn dropped the iPad on the floor! The anger within me escalated and overwhelmed me. I yelled, "YOU'RE NOT WELCOMED IN MY HOUSE, THE GATE IS OPEN FOR YOU." Shawn hastily replied back, "but I already said sorry but whatever." He grabbed his bag and grudgingly left the house. Desmond sat at the sofa and was astonished at my behaviour. I knew Desmond was just 'fanning the flames' but did not 'ignite the spark'. I turned back and said in a normal manner, "If you want, you can stay. I'm not driving you out of my house." Desmond stayed for a short while of five to ten minutes and left. This is probably because the situation had turned tense and awkward. 

Interpersonal conflict hurts relationships and portrays the negative part of us. Therefore it is important that we maintain a 'cool-headed' by not letting negative thoughts and emotions get the better of us. 

I reflected on this incident and realised I could: 

1. Taking their actions like a 'pinch of salt' (lightly and jokingly) instead of being so serious.

2. Doing these three steps. Stop. Pause. Think. Putting yourself in the shoes of others. Before carrying out our actions.

3. Giving a chance to allow others to explain. (In this case, I could cool down to hear Shawn's apology and act appropriately.)

4. Not allowing our emotions to overpower ourselves that we block out completely what the other party wants to communicate.

A learning point to take is that we have to be self-aware of ourselves and manage our feelings well.